Bi and Gay Musicians Part 2

Alrighty, since my first Bi and Gay Musicians post is by far the most popular on my blog, I went through my iPod and computer more thourghly, as I have over 3,000 songs in there and about 5,000 on my computer.

This list is not all inclusive, there are many more, these are more artists that are on my iPod! I found this list at Topgaysongs.com which is a fabulous website in general and gave a few good giggles!

Adele-I was surprised by this one, i thought she was straight and she just recently had a little boy. While she has a great voice, people are just playing her too much...so, I do have Rolling On the Deep, but I don't have that on my most played list.

David Bowie-from Labyrinth to "Rebel, Rebel" I just love him! "Golden Years" is my favorite song! He is married to a woman, but they have both admitted to being Bi.

Tracy Chapman-"Revolution", "Fast Car" and "Give Me One Reason To Stay Here" are on heavy rotation.

Vanessa Carlton-I'm a HUGE Joni Mitchell fan, not so much Vanessa, but when I heard her singing "Big Yellow Taxi" with Counting Crows,  I had to get it!

Elton John-brilliant man! If I need to say anything about him, get out of your closet a bit more! Lol. "Candele in The Wind", "Benny and the Jets", "Rocket Man" and "Tiny Dancer" are all on rotation!

Lady Gaga-yes, I have a few Lady Gaga songs...and "Born This Way" is my favorite, my mom even likes this song! If you've seen any of her videos, you won't be surprised that she is bi.

Sophie B. Hawkins- more of a one hit wonder...but I have "As I Lay Me Down to Sleep" love it!

Joan Jett-who is surprised by this?! I sure am not! My friend and I love her, one day she ran into her in a tiny Nevada city called Wendover (Utah-Nevada border.) Sent me a picture with Joan Jett with the caption "Ran into Joan Jett! She totally tried to hit on me!" Lol! And I must say, I do a good version of "I Hate Myself for Loving You." That I did with a former band I was in!

Janis Joplin- this one surprised me. All of her songs indicate a man...but, it was the 60's and being gay was still pretty taboo.  Bobby Magee and Piece of My Heart are my favs!

Mika-Never was surprised by this. I have his first album, love it...he tries so hard to be Freddie Mercury...even has lyrics that say "I tried to look like Grace Kelly,  but all of her looks are too sad. So I tried a little Freddie. I've gone identity mad." And another song called "Big Girl, You are Beautiful" (which I love) reminds me of "Fat Botton Girls".

Sinéad O'Connor-"Nothing Compares To You" one hit wonder turned activist.

Dusty Springfield-makes you think a little bit different in "Son of a Preacher Man" lol. Sadly, she died in 1999 from breast cancer.

Tila Tequila-I have one song of hers from the "Across The Universe" soundtrack where she sings the Beatles "I Wanna Hold Your Hand". Where she plays a lesbian trying to figure out who she is and trying to come out and she does in the film during the song "Dear Prudence". I guess she also had a MTV reality show about her falling in love...eh.

Do you have any of these guys on your playlist? Let's hear it!

<3
Jessie

As I Have Loved You: Religious Tolarence

My parents have always taught me a healthy respect of other religions. While we have always been LDS, we've never not been someone's friend due to their religious beliefs.

One time, in 5 grade, I was at recess swinging on the swings with a friend when she said, "My dad said I can't be your friend anymore because you're Mormon."  I remember saying, "Well, do you like me?  Let's still be friends and not tell your dad." to which she agreed, though we didn't play as much as we used to.  I remember feeling a little hurt by it, but I was still too young to understand.  In later years, I realized how messed up it was.

I have Pagan, Hindu, Buddhist, Islamic, every form of Christianity, Wiccan, Atheist, Agnostic...I could go on and on.  I've felt that if you're a good person, it doesn't matter your beliefs.  My parents even lived in the Middle East for a time, so I have a deep respect for the Islamic Faith.

A few years ago, when finishing my degree, I took a World Religion class to fill up some electives.  I was enthralled.  I learned a couple of truths, every religion has truth and kindness in it and more often than not, the things we see are man's version of the words of God, they have been twisted around for a person's benefit.

So, I wanted to shed some light on a few religions that have a lot of misunderstandings.  Like every religion, the nuts and the fringe proclaimers of one religion steal the spotlight from true followers.

Islam.  This is what cracks me up the most, fearmongers claim Islam is not a good religion, that Allah is a vengeful, horrible God....guess what?!  They believe in the God of Abraham.  They believe in Christ...their book (The Q'uran) was written by the Prophet Muhammad.  In the Q'uran, Muhammad gave women the right to vote, to own land, he stopped infanticide (As a culture, they would kill baby girls to make way for a son)...he did this over 500 years before the US was even thought of!  While there are some passages about "killing infidels  those are ALWAYS taken out of context.  In the Bible, there are passages that are similar.  True believers and followers of Islam think it's horrible what the extremists are doing "In the name of God."

Buddhism: The 8 Fold Path is a beautiful one, very peaceful, very respectful.  Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Effort, Right Concentration, Right Mindfulness.  The story of the Buddha and The Bodhi Tree is very similar to that of Christ in the wilderness for 40 days fasting and being tempted by Satan.  In the Buddhist story, it when Mara, the Lord of Desire tempted him.

Taoism: The Yin and Yang symbol, everyone's seen it.  The basics are "There are opposing forces, and life will result when they unite.

Paganism:  "Dirt loving hippies" is a common term used.  They are very in touch with nature with, the spirit of nature, they see beauty and gods/goddesses in all.  This year we are studying Lorenzo Snow in Relief Society, a few weeks ago, there was a quote with him saying "Our Mother Earth".  There have been talks about the earth being a living spirit.  We are the stewards of the earth.  We have been commanded to take good care of our earth.  Being in tune and loving nature, respecting it is a common goal we should both share.

Wiccan: While all wiccans are pagans, not all pagans are wiccans.  Wiccan is a witch/warlock, plain and simple.  The misunderstanding is the different "colors" of wiccans.  People assume all wiccans are into evil.  Yes, there are dark wiccans.  They are not nice people...but, the wiccan's main statement is basically "What you do unto others, you will receive back 3 fold."  So, it's a very karmic circle, most wiccans are very peaceful ones.  The rituals or "spells" that involve weird looking things are normally protection spells, weather spells, etc...it is their form of prayer.  Do we not pray for protection and rain?

I could go on for years about many others, but I wanted to focus on a few that have REALLY had a bad rap lately.

Hope you enjoyed, learned something new, learned that with any religion, there is beauty and idiots.

<3

Jessie

Weirdos

I get this often, "You're so weird." or "That's not really normal."  To them, I always say, "Define normal."

Normal is defined as "Something that is usual."  So, it is a relative term, no? I would say so.  What's normal to us, is completely weird to someone across the globe.

So, to all my weirdos, all my freaks, all my loves. Be proud of who you are. I wouldn't want it any other way.

<3

Jessie

A Homeless Man, A Transgender and Strawberries

How, you ask, do all of these fit in the same sentence?  Well, I'll tell you.  Cycling.

Like I've mentioned before, I'm trying to get back into marathon shape.  I'm slowly working up more and more.  I live in a valley outside the city, but if I go anywhere nearby, it's very very hilly.  I'm not ready to hit the big hills yet, so I went in the city to a beautiful river trail.  It's a very slow, gradual incline, so it's very nice for starting back out again.  I can go 1o-15 miles without a big problem.

It is a two lane biking/running only trail and in some spots can be a bit remote.  Anytime I pass someone going the opposite way, I always smile and nod (it's hard to wave.)

There is one area of the river that is frequented by homeless people.  As a general safety rule, I try not to stop in that area unless there are many people around (and I ALWAYS tell someone where I'm at, where my trip started and an approx time I should be back.)

But this time, I was coming down a hill and saw two obviously homeless men sitting at a little gazebo right along the side of the river.  I smiled and nodded.  I saw a him and thought he said something, but wasn't sure.  I felt I should turn around.  I did.  As I approached them, I asked if he was "flagging me down."

He said, "No beautiful!  I saw your lovely face grinning at me and was just saying hi." He grinned again and lifted up his hand.  That's when I noticed it.  This breaded, grinning, dreadlock, winter hat wearing man, only had a thumb on either hand.  He had palms, but they stopped at the knuckles.  He was one of the happiest misfits I've ever seen.  I looked at the man sitting next to him and noticed something else.  While he did have a 5 o'clock shadow, he had shoulder length hair, wearing a "blossom" hat (Blossom Hat), and a loosely tied off skirt over some leggings. She was adorable...she too was a misfit, and a very shy one at that.  They introduced themselves as Dave and Viv.

I started to stretch while we chatted and then offered some extra granola bars in my backpack.  They gave each other a look of excitement and said, "are you sure?!" I looked at them and said, "While I've never been where you are now, I've been close.  I may not have much, but I'm always willing to share."

He handed Viv a bar and then unwrapped his with much more ease than I thought able.  We sat and talked for a few minutes.  Viv sat quietly and watched while Dave and I conversed.  He was a disable vet down on his luck. We talked about the Bible, and that there might still be hope for humanity. He told me I was beautiful and may God bless me for stopping and showing kindness to them.  I told them, I needed to keep going, but, if I had time, I'll swing back by.

I kept going for about two more miles. I stopped, took a mini break, still thinking about those two lovely people.  I remembered I had some fresh strawberries in my pack too.  I ate just a few, and headed back to the gazebo.

They were still there when I stopped again.  Dave grinned and said, "Well hello again, beautiful!"  I pulled out the strawberries and said, "I have way too many here, please, help me eat them." they were even more excited this time...but they still asked me if I was sure.

Viv even joined in the conversation this time. She asked me what my sign was.  I forgot what else she had asked, I was just happy she joined in!

We kept talking.  Viv was from Orange County, but wouldn't say much more. Dave was from Michigan, third generation military man.  He said how much he missed his mama.  She died July 7th, 3 years ago.  He said how much he misses his family.  I asked if she was his only family.  Dave said no, but since his mom died, "Everything and everyone changed.  They got distant." he did say it was just as much his doing as his family.  He mentioned his desire to travel to where they live now (about two hours from where we were) to make amends and see everyone.

I hated to leave right then, but I had to pick up my son from school and had to book it to my car.  That's when I stood up, looked at both Dave and Viv and said, "We are all children of God."

Dave said, "Yes girl, we are."

I stood up, embraced him and kissed him on his cheek, "That makes you my brother." I reached over to Viv and embraced her, "And you my sister." They both smiled and had tears in their eyes.  Dave said, "Beautiful, you have made my day." and Viv nodded in agreement.  We said our goodbyes and I headed onward.

I haven't seen Viv again, but I did see Dave once more, and gave him an apple.  We chatted for a few minutes while he wolfed it down, as he was on his way to the library.

Before you judge someone by their clothes, their skin, their cleanliness...please stop and think of how they got there. Yes, sometimes it's drugs, but sometimes it's way more complicated.

Be nice to the homeless, they have very interesting lives and will help you out if you need it too.

<3

Jessie

"Why Do They Have To Flaunt It?"

The other day, I was speaking one of the other caretakers for my husband's Grandma.

We overlap on our shifts by about a half hour. We got on the subject if gays and lesbians, (I think there was something in TV talking about it.) She mentioned that her daughter's roommate is a lesbian. In my head I thought Yeah, sure...she's just a "roommate". She must have read my thoughts as she said her daughter has a boyfriend and the roommate has a girlfriend.

But she then said something weird. She said, "I guess I just don't understand why they have to 'flaunt' it."

My mouth dropped open, thankfully her back was turned. After thoughts of beating the ignorance out of her, I composed myself and asked, "What makes you think she flaunts it?"

Her response was even more confounding, "Well, they are always spouting it's not wrong, that the Bible's wrong. If they don't think it's wrong, then why are they always trying to tell others it isn't wrong?"

I tried to understand her logic, it didn't make sense. Before I could respond with a "what the hell?!" She shrugged and walked out of the room to go check on grandma.

I calmed down, but I didn't speak up. She's older and, at her age, I don't think giving her my soapbox would do any good.  So, I'll do my rant here:

Flaunt it? How do we flaunt it? We flaunt it because we want to kiss our gay lover on the street?  We flaunt it because we want to hold hands in public?  News flash: Lots of straight women hold hands a kiss...granted not frencher, but I do. I kiss my good girlfriends on the cheek and we do link arms.  Does that mean I'm gay?  Oh wait, bad example.

Is it our blood that flaunts when we bleed? Do we flaunt it when we're helping someone out?

What about this?!  I'm sick of straight people flaunting their love, their chance at marriage and wedding rings.  I'm sick of them flaunting their divorce papers around saying, "This is the last time I'm done!"  Do THEY have to flaunt it all the time.

Granted, there are a few people that do "flaunt it" on a daily basis.

But most of the time, we flaunt it during one week in our cities...Pride Week.  But, I think they're jealous.

Cause let's face it.  We just look so damn fabulous!

Hope you had a good laugh as well!

<3

Jessie

LGBT Missionaries

Tonight's post is a link to an amazing talk writen by a dear friend; nay my brother from another mother; Mitch Mayne.

For those who haven't heard of him, Mitch is the first openly gay Mormon to hold a calling.  He has influenced many people and have sometimes saved them from themselves...me included.

He has been a big key in helping me see the love and accept this part of me while maintaining my testimony of the gospel.  He and Nadia were also my main cheerleaders to start this blog!   I'm hoping to one day find the time to do a Q&A with him, but our schedules are so conflicting! Lol

He hit the nail on the head with this one! LGBT Missionaries.  Please read the article and then finish My post!

It is our job to be missionaries as the underdogs... it is up to us to make these changes.

One reader told me that "change begins in the pews." Meaning, if we're not there every Sunday, it won't change.

So, despite the ignorance that sometimes spews from those over the pulpit, raising their hand in Sunday School or Relief Society, go, show up. Be strong.  By just being there, you will eventually drum up the courage to speak out.  It probably won't be to say "I'm gay and what you're saying is very hurtful." I'm not even there yet!

But it could be something little, then a little more...and soon, most everyone, will understand what someone like us is feeling (they still might not agree, but hey, it's a start!)

Line upon line, precept upon precept,  here a little there a little.

Love you with all my heart!

<3

Jessie

An Unexpected Call of Longing

About a month ago, a reader asked me to go more indepth with my struggles.  So, here we go, this one will be very deep and very personal.  I am opening my soul and showing you the scars.

In my blog post Q&A #2, I mentioned about an old co-worker that had said she loved me...and not like a sister.  We were really good friends. We competed for commissions at work, we laughed and joked, and stepped in to defuse a rough situation with an irate person.  I had a knowledge that if she didn't respect me, or I didn't have such a solid marriage; things, WOULD have happened.

Well, five years ago, she up and married an Army man and moved away.  I remember, feeling sad that one of my buddies was gone.  But, I also remember feeling so grateful that she did move away, that my temptation was removed.

Only recently did I finally tell her something she knew all along...that I was bi too.  She laughed and said, "I KNEW it!  Oh, babe, I wished I'd have been there to help you through it!" I laughed too, grateful for another  supporter in my corner.

We see each other on facebook (fb), we text and very rarely call.  Well, last week I was asking her (via fb) if she had heard of the band Halestorm.  I'm a HUGE fan.  It doesn't help that I also have a HUGE crush on the lead singer! lol.  She mentioned she's never heard of them, I told her when I got the chance, I'd send some video links. Tonight, I saw that she was online and missing everyone here, in her hometown.  We started chatting and I remembered to send her over the links I promised.  I started to do that.

I do need to pause and say something important regarding this incident. In the past, she has been drunk while telling she loved me...tonight, she was stone cold sober.

Then my phone rang.  It was her.  We talked and caught up, had a great time.  Then she turned to the more personal subject...us...even though there never really was an "us".  She told me she loved me, and that she always has.  That she would get so excited seeing me come through the door at work, or she'd be mad if I called in.  I had a very real, very deep visceral reaction.  I hadn't felt that in a long time...it took me a minute realize what just happened.

Longing.  I haven't had anyone other than my husband profess those words to me and make me feel this way.  It wasn't, by far to the magnitude that I've felt with my husband (something he still makes me feel).  But it was there, it was real, it was a re-opened scar.  I must admit, it scared me a bit.
I'm having a big what if moment right now.  What if I was the one she ran away with, not him...what would my life had been like?  Would we be happy?  Would we have kids? Would we last?

I sit here tonight pondering those questions.  I'm giving them more thought tonight than I normally do.  This woman was the closest thing to a girlfriend without doing more than a hug or a peck on the cheek.  Hell, I even wrote a song/poem about it. And, from the sounds of it, there will probably be another one coming up soon.

She did mention she was hoping to come visit her folks soon.  I am filled with mixed emotions on this.  I would LOVE to see her, but at the same time, I'm afraid to see her.

So, this was a very raw, very emotion-driven post tonight.  It has been a bit of a relief in itself to write this...getting this off my chest.  I hope, that bearing this deep part of me, you find what you're looking for.

<3

Jessie

I Kinda Nicely Told Off Someone In The Bishopric Today

So, today after Sacrament, I got asked to meet with one of the counselors from the Bishopric.

After we went into a room, he told me, "I have some sad news...well, actually doubly sad news."

Which made me nervously chuckle out, "Oh, what did I do now?"

We said a prayer and he released me as Ward Chorister, which I love...so, now, I don't have ANY musical callings, much to my dismay.

He then said "The other sad news, you've been called to nursery."

After a second of silence, I looked at him and said, "Can I ask you something?" he said sure and I said, "Why would you say nursery is a 'double sad', it was a fun calling when I had it before."

He then started backpedaling fast explaining that he personally would rather have his current calling or maybe even bishop than nursery.  I was pretty upset about it.

Those are OUR kids in there, the future.  How DARE you apologize for helping take care and nurture them?!

They are children of God, and while, albeit a handful, they are more closer to the heavens and the angels than any adult.  You look at a child and you see the miracles of heaven.  What a beautiful, chaotic site.

So, next time you drop your kid in nursery, or have just been called to the "dreaded calling"...please stop and think what a WONDERFUL calling this can be!!

<3

Jessie

A Pig's Head And Go Go Dancers

Fun was had by all last night.

My family and went out to nearby place that happens to be a casino.  I've found that some of the local Indian Casinos are fun...they can have good food.

We were really hungry and decided to go to the buffet they had there.  Pretty good one too.  Do to late kiddie napage, it was about 9 p.m. when we ate.

Well, I had been biking that day.  I used to be (and trying to be again) an avid cycler. I'm trying to get back into Marathon shape...anyhoo, on those days, I try to pack a good amount of protein in.

So, after a nice egg, beans and cheese heavy salad, I went in to get a slice of prime rib.  Now, I was a vegetarian before I had my last baby...now, I'm not, but still loved to have veggie meals.  So, I'm a little gun shy sometimes around meat.

As I go up to the carving station, I see this roasted pig, head, hooves, the whole shebang.  To top it off, it was a baby pig, oh, excuse me, a "succulent pig". Before I saw the pig, I had asked for a slice of prime rib...I started to walk away with the carver saying, "Are you sure? It's really good, it's just a pig!"  Yes, but it had a dead face...I couldn't eat it. So, I ate all veggies that night.  It didn't help that my hubby, the carnivore that he is saying, "That'll do pig!" from time to time.

Me and my daughter had finished eating, while the boys were almost finished. It can take a few minutes to get the car from valet, so I went to go get it. As I walked out of the buffet area, my jaw dropped. What stood before my eyes was about 10 go go dancers.  They had hardly anything on. They were in tight leather bikinis, fishnet stockings and high heels or knee highs.  After I gawked for a minute, I ran back in and motioned my husband away from my son. He said "What?!" very grumpily as he was still eating.  I said, "Don't let (our son) look at the casino floor, there are dancer with NOTHING on." He said, "WHAT?!" and started looking behind me. "What do you mean?" he asked.  I was flustered and said rather loudly, "There are really hot chick dancing in just bikinis!" and turned and walked away. Thankfully, there was hardly anyone there.

So, I walked around the dancers thanking that my daughter isn't old enough to understand what she's looking at.  I turn in my ticket and waited. Where I sat, I happened to be able to see a few of the dancers still having a good time.  I have to admit, I was enjoying the show myself.  I even texted a friend who's dear and said, "Dude, you HAVE to come and visit me sometime." with a LOL added.

I didn't notice my hubby and son approach until I heard the words, "Looks like Mommy had more fun looking than Daddy."  Which made me snap out of it and laugh.  Yes, honey, I probably did.

So, last night, had some funny moments, but it also reconfirmed my original stance of "some days are harder than others." this was a hard moment.  Looking at those girls, I thought, "Yeah, that really could be fun."

But in steps my man, my rock, my best friend with humor to defuse what could have been a really awkward moment between us.

So, with a Pig's Head and Go Go Dancer on a family outing, how can my life be boring? LOL!!

Love you all!!  Hope this got a good laugh out of you!!

<3

Jessie

You're Getting Stronger.

Hello! Just when I think everything is falling into place, something else happens!

This week I spent the night in the hospital.  No, I wasn't the patient. I stayed over to help my husband's grandma who has dementia have a familiar face so she didn't freak out!

But, I just want to say you guys are awesome. You're getting stronger, braver. I'm getting more e-mails and comments on my blog. Some are anonymous and some are your actual names! I'm so proud of you all!  It's amazing and wonderful!

You are starting to change YOU to who you are not who people think you should be.  And I just love that!

So, a round of applause!  Yay!

Keep on changing and growing to who you are supposed to be!

<3

Jessie

"Ask The Reader"

I received an e-mail yesterday from a woman named "Gina".

Gina asked me to write more in detail about my daily struggles, as she is experiencing some major struggles of her own. I read in detail as to what her main struggles were, I had an epiphany.

While yes, this blog is about me and my personal history, struggles, and life in general; there are so many of you in the same boat.

I will start providing more details about my struggles,  but I would also LOVE to share your stories with everyone.  I would also love to see, (Either via e-mail I can re-post or comments on the blog.) your advice on how you're coping with these struggles that you, the readers are going through. I can only give advice on what I've experienced.

So, with Gina's blessing,  I will try and post her e-mail sometime today before I hit the road. I told her I am leaving and won't be able to respond they way I want to until I get back to civilization.  In the mean time, maybe we can have some comments that will help her out...even a "hey girl, you rock, it'll be okay." Would be AMAZING!

As always,  I will protect your identity unless you specify that you don't care.

Love you all!

<3
Jessie

Spring Break! Will Be Gone

Just letting you guys know, I will be out of town for about a week. Leaving in the next few days.

We're going for Spring Break to visit family and will be in the country...which means no cell or internet service!  However shall I manage?! Lol

Nah, I LOVE nature and not having to worry about if I've missed a call or not! It's very liberating!

So, if you're on spring break this week like most of the country,  have a great rest of it! See ya soon!

<3

Jessie

Looking For More Questions!

Hello everyone!

My Q&A's are becoming very popular.  Please, send me some more questions!  I'm very eager to answer them!  No question is uncomfortable! As you can tell from previous posts, I am very candid about everything!!!

<3

Jessie

These Feelings Are Wrong

In a recent correspondence with "Sam", I was asked why I am afraid to lose my temple recommend...that the church's official stance is "The feelings and urgers aren't wrong, it's acting upon them that's wrong."

Yes, that is true.  But when you sit there in church and they preach over the pulpit, in Sunday School, where ever, that "homosexuality is a sin", you can't help but think something is wrong with YOU.  You are in a battle with yourself thinking "well, if I'm thinking these things, that means I want it, and it's wrong...therefor, these feelings are wrong."

It's not a far leap to think this.  That is where the fear of admiting these feelings comes into play.

Some days I'm okay, some days I'm not.  I'm still trying to find that perfect balance between love and hate within myself...as I'm sure there are many of you like that.

Lots of love,

<3
Jessie

I Know Things Are Hard Right Now

I saw this and HAD to post it!!

Love,

Jessie <3

Q&A #3 From "Brother Supportive"

Yes, ladies and (now for sure) gents!

I had my first questions from an active, LDS Husband who's active, LDS wife has in recent years told him she is also "Attracted to women".  How excited am I?!?!?!?!

I've been sitting on it for a few days to give much needed thought and prayer into my answers.

There have been a few e-mails back and forth, so I am paraphrasing and/or taking snippets from the e-mails.  I will be keeping it in First Person format, as it is mainly in his words.

Hello Jessie,

First, thank you for helping me know we're not the only active members who face these issues in ways that are not consistent with our faith.

My wife and I are (very) active in the Church, and completely committed to our temple covenants. In recent years my wife has come to the realization that she's "attracted to other woman", but can barely admit it to herself. She has tried on the label "bi" but has said that it really didn't fit for her. We've talked about it once or twice, but only briefly because she insists on changing the subject, presumably because she's so uncomfortable. I don't doubt her love for me, but I don't know how to best help her, and I'm worried her "leave it alone" response isn't healthy.

This reluctance doesn't make sense to me. First of all, she's the type to speak her mind and share her opinion. Second, we've always had very open communication in our marriage. Third, I've been nothing but supportive and non-judgmental, and have a track record in our marriage of being supportive of her (e.g. education, career). Fourth, we're more liberal-minded members, including being outspoken about women's issues in the church. 

I've looked for resources online over the years, in particular on how LDS husbands can support their bi-sexual wives, to no avail.

After that long intro (sorry) my questions are these:

(1) General: What should husbands know/do to best support their wives who are in a similar situation as you, and

(2) Specific: Is my wife handling this in a healthy way? If not, do you have any suggestions for me to help her?

Dear Brother Supportive;

I'm so glad to hear from you!!  First, kudos for wanting to talk about this issue with your wife and not trying to sweep it under the rug!  You're ahead of the game already!

I would suggest, when the time is right, to send her to my blog.  I have listed in great detail my feelings, struggles and thoughts...I want my story to help others feel better about themselves, because contrary to popular belief.  There are many of us out there.  They're just waiting for their spark of courage.

However, it really sounds like she isn't ready to talk about it.  If you keep pushing the talks on her, she might shut down more.  I'm not saying stop talking about it, when an opportunity presents itself, use it.  You said she's usually very open, does she like jokes?  Hubby and I can openly joke about it, and that does seemed to ease some of the uncertany that looms at times.  This process can take years, in my case over a decade.  It can even be a life time to come to full form...it's all about her timeline.  Everyone progresses at different speeds.  I'm somewhere in between being out of the closet but not up to wearing "I like burritos AND tacos" pun shirts. lol

However your wife wants to say it: "I am attracted to girls", "I am Bi-sexual", "I think girls are hot"... it doesn't matter, whatever she's comfortable with.  It's a label put on something to describe something...that is all.  No matter how it's sliced, the official term is "Bi-Sexual".  At first, the word felt very uncomfortable to say, sometimes it still comes off "odd".  Growing up in the church, it has SUCH a negative connotation, I felt more comfortable saying the "F" word.  But, as time went on, I realized being bisexual, is only PART of who I am, it's not all of me, it doesn't complete me, it doesn't define me.  I had to tell someone once, "It just means I like girls too, I'm still the same girl that you've always known."  She will, I think, in time come to that acceptance as well.

You are right that her "leave it alone" response isn't healthy.  It really isn't.  I've been down that road, it's not a fun road to be on.  I bottled everything up in a tight bottle. When it finally exploded, it felt like a forest fire started by lightening: raw, powerful and very destructive.  But, I'm glad I did go down that road, it made me stronger in the long run...and hey, I can at least give you some insight about it!

With her bottling up like this, there will be a meltdown, it's not an "if" it's a "when".  It might be tomorrow, next week, next month, the next year or two, but there is going to be a point where she will.  It sucks on so many levels.  From my view point, you wonder if you'll ever be the same again, if you'll lose your temple access over the admission, if you and your hubby will be able to recover from this, what will your friends, family, ward, Bishop say? What does the admission mean?  The list goes on.  When that meltdown happens, you just need to be there.  You need to hold her, love her, listen to her and listen to the Spirit, it will tell you what to say.

So, after all those questions I faced; after many tears, prayers and talks with church leaders, my husband and friends; I've found that I although at times, I am still unsure, it's not nearly like I was!  Here's what I now know for sure:

1) I am a Child of God.
2) I am a goddess, divine and infinite.
3) I was born this way, this is NOT a choice.
4) I am loved by God, my husband, my kids, my family and many others.
5) I am supported in my thoughts.
6) Being bisexual doesn't define me.
7) I am married to my soul mate, who is a man.  Just because I like girls too doesn't mean I will cheat on him.
8) I am and will continue to always honor my temple covenants.
9) I am lucky to have the support that I have, there have been countless others who have lost their way or lives because of lack of support.
10) This is a stigma that needs to and is starting to change!

I hope this has helped you and any other guys out there wanting to understand/support their wives. I promise, you're not alone!!

Much love, prayers, and support,

Jessie <3

Uncharted

So, I've had a few emails lately asking how the reader can cope.  Sadly, that is something that is hard to answer.  Everyone copes in their own way.  For me, I turn to music...but, by golly, you already knew that!  And, to help describe how I cope...here's Sara Barellies in Uncharted.  Funny thing about this video, she's hardly in it...but there are a TON of other people you'll recognize!

The words that really hit home to me are these at the very beginning

No words, My tears won't make any room for more,
And it don't hurt like anything I've ever felt before,
this is no broken heart,
No familiar scars,
This territory goes uncharted...

Couldn't have said it better myself.  Everyday is new, hard, easy and beautiful.  I've never been here, it sucks and is so liberating too.  My heart isn't broken at all.

It's all uncharted.

So, here's to you and building your own road map!  We cannot show you where to go, but we can certainly point you in a direction and help you along the way.

<3

Jessis

Silent But Deadly

I have been a little sad lately,  thinking that no one really reads my blog.  That it's just another dot com.

After looking in my inbox and seeing my stats on here...I KNOW this is reaching people.  I KNOW this is helping people.

So thank you, my beautiful readers!  Thank you for the "silent but deadly" view you've just given me.  Thanks for quietly passing this along.  It's starting to gain momentum!

Yay!

Love,

Jessie <3

Happy Easter

Well, as I sat trying to think of something inspiring to say for Easter.  However, I think the cold medicine is taking it's toll as well as my love of studying other religions.  There are so many ties to Pagan spring celebrations...but that's a soap box for another time.

So, all I'll say is this:

Rejoice!  For he has risen!!  He died for our sins so we can return to our Heavenly Parents again someday.

Oh, and as it's always been, he's your brother and he loves you exactly the way you are.  He's your number one fan...though some people would make you believe he's not.

So, I hope everyone had a wonderful day!

<3

Jessie

What If God Was One Of Us?

Yup, another song blog. Sorry, you're going to get these more often than not!

I heard a song today I haven't heard in AGES!  Joan Osborne's What if God was One of Us?

Here's the lyrics, they're quite amazing:

If God had a name what would it be? 
And would you call it to his face? 
If you were faced with him 
In all his glory 
What would you ask if you had just one question? 

And yeah, yeah, God he is great 
Yeah, yeah, God he is good 
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah 

What if God was one of us? 
Just a slob like one of us 
Just a stranger on the bus 
Trying to make his way home 

If God had a face what would it look like? 
And would you wanna to see 
If seeing meant that 
You would have to believe 
In things like heaven and in Jesus and the saints 
And all the prophets 

And yeah, yeah, God he is great 
Yeah, yeah, God he is good 
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah 

What if God was one of us? 
Just a slob like one of us 
Just a stranger on the bus 
Trying to make his way home 

Just trying to make his way home 
Like a holy rolling stone 
Back up to heaven all alone 
Just trying to make his way home 
Nobody calling on the phone 
Except the Pope maybe in Rome.

I have always loved this song because in the LDS Faith, we are taught that we are all Children of God.  Which means, we are, by birthright, Gods and Goddesses of are own accord.  So, if God had a name, if he had a face?  Guess what, that's me, that's you, that's everyone.

So, what if God was one of us?  He IS us!

I hope with this new spin, we might find more love in each other and not so much hate.  Cause hate really sucks.

Love you all!!!!

Jessie