Bi and Gay Musicians Part 2

Alrighty, since my first Bi and Gay Musicians post is by far the most popular on my blog, I went through my iPod and computer more thourghly, as I have over 3,000 songs in there and about 5,000 on my computer.

This list is not all inclusive, there are many more, these are more artists that are on my iPod! I found this list at Topgaysongs.com which is a fabulous website in general and gave a few good giggles!

Adele-I was surprised by this one, i thought she was straight and she just recently had a little boy. While she has a great voice, people are just playing her too much...so, I do have Rolling On the Deep, but I don't have that on my most played list.

David Bowie-from Labyrinth to "Rebel, Rebel" I just love him! "Golden Years" is my favorite song! He is married to a woman, but they have both admitted to being Bi.

Tracy Chapman-"Revolution", "Fast Car" and "Give Me One Reason To Stay Here" are on heavy rotation.

Vanessa Carlton-I'm a HUGE Joni Mitchell fan, not so much Vanessa, but when I heard her singing "Big Yellow Taxi" with Counting Crows,  I had to get it!

Elton John-brilliant man! If I need to say anything about him, get out of your closet a bit more! Lol. "Candele in The Wind", "Benny and the Jets", "Rocket Man" and "Tiny Dancer" are all on rotation!

Lady Gaga-yes, I have a few Lady Gaga songs...and "Born This Way" is my favorite, my mom even likes this song! If you've seen any of her videos, you won't be surprised that she is bi.

Sophie B. Hawkins- more of a one hit wonder...but I have "As I Lay Me Down to Sleep" love it!

Joan Jett-who is surprised by this?! I sure am not! My friend and I love her, one day she ran into her in a tiny Nevada city called Wendover (Utah-Nevada border.) Sent me a picture with Joan Jett with the caption "Ran into Joan Jett! She totally tried to hit on me!" Lol! And I must say, I do a good version of "I Hate Myself for Loving You." That I did with a former band I was in!

Janis Joplin- this one surprised me. All of her songs indicate a man...but, it was the 60's and being gay was still pretty taboo.  Bobby Magee and Piece of My Heart are my favs!

Mika-Never was surprised by this. I have his first album, love it...he tries so hard to be Freddie Mercury...even has lyrics that say "I tried to look like Grace Kelly,  but all of her looks are too sad. So I tried a little Freddie. I've gone identity mad." And another song called "Big Girl, You are Beautiful" (which I love) reminds me of "Fat Botton Girls".

Sinéad O'Connor-"Nothing Compares To You" one hit wonder turned activist.

Dusty Springfield-makes you think a little bit different in "Son of a Preacher Man" lol. Sadly, she died in 1999 from breast cancer.

Tila Tequila-I have one song of hers from the "Across The Universe" soundtrack where she sings the Beatles "I Wanna Hold Your Hand". Where she plays a lesbian trying to figure out who she is and trying to come out and she does in the film during the song "Dear Prudence". I guess she also had a MTV reality show about her falling in love...eh.

Do you have any of these guys on your playlist? Let's hear it!

<3
Jessie

It's A Beautiful Day In The Cold Cruel World

I can't find the song or the lyrics ANYWHERE! Gah!

Well, it's by The Warren Brothers...a country band out of the 90's...they had a couple big hits.

This song always got to me.

"While somebody's hurting, somebody's laughing, somebody's living and somebody's dying."

So true today.

I picked up my brother from the airport who had to fly in to see some people about a kidney transplant...he was told within the next 3 months! YAY!  Happy, happy!

While spending time with him, I get a text from my dear friend a few hours away saying her mother-in-law is clinging to life and to please pray she'll go quickly. They are keeping her comfy and that's it...she has maybe a day.  She has dementia among other problems.

So, while we're having a good time, receiving EXCELLENT news, somebody is losing someone important.

We had to deal with a great loss two years ago almost to the day. Myself and two other friends were preggers and all due near each other. We don't live close...one is back east, the other is about 4 hours away. One was due in June, with a boy, the other woman and I were having September babies, both girls!  We were all excited, texting each other our joys and our pains, our cravings and our weird dreams.  It was truly beautiful.

I got a call at 6 a.m. from a friend that lives close to the 4 hour away friend...the baby was still breached, and his shoulders got stuck.  She was having a home birth and they lived about 45 minutes from the hospital.  He didn't make it.  I remember sobbing, big and round while my husband cradled me. When I composed myself, I called my friend back east and we talked and cried together.  We both felt guilty that here we sit, happy and baby kicking, and she had lost her little love.

Our little girls were born happy and healthy despite mine having a few days in the NICU which scared me near death.

So, as I sit tonight pondering life and death...the world moves on, it doesn't stop...somebody's living and somebody's dying.

<3

Jessie

Nudity: Tasteful Beauty or Disgusting Porn?

I've always appreciated the nude form.  I love looking at oil paintings and sculptures depicting beautiful women with nothing on, sitting near a tub or on a bed.  I've never thought it to be "inappropriate" or "pornographic".  Even males, Michelangelo's David is one of the most famous sculptors around.  Yet, you hear people whisper there should be a fig leaf attached to his penis.

While, I do think some nudity is tasteless, it's not to the degree people would think.

I'm a musician and LOVE musicals.  I'm also a huge Beatles fan.  So, needless to say when the movie "Across The Universe" came out, I was super excited to see it!  I absolutely LOVED it!  It took a very intimate look at the youth in the 60's and 70's.  There was one scene where the leading female's breast are exposed while sleeping and the leading man sitting nearby was painting and glanced over to see her gently sleeping.  He goes on to sing the song "Something".  To me, it was just amazing and beautiful.  Have you ever had a lover look at your naked form and there is nothing but amazement, love, rapture in their eyes?  That's what that scene did for me.

Then, the week following it coming out, I heard people tearing it down for that moment of, what I thought was a pure, beautiful expression of love.  They said it wasn't needed, it was shameful, it was downright horrific.

It sadden me.

Yes, in the LDS faith, we are taught to cover ourselves, to be modest.  Indeed I am.  I wear my garments day and night, the exceptions are when I'm cycling or wet (swimming to showering.).  But, I think sometimes it is taken too far.  Being modest doesn't meaning closing the door completely on sensuality or sexuality, it just means we need to understand and respect it.

God made these bodies...complete with the parts that people find "gross and embarrassing".  But the thing is, it isn't.  It is beautiful, raw, amazing.  I believe it is a very profound and wonderful connection between you and your spouse.  Not something to be ashamed of!

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not encouraging you to go out and have sex by any means.  Just to have a better, healthier understanding.

Don't think it's wrong or shameful.  We think God is beautiful, we think his creations are beautiful.  We are his creations too, therefor we are beautiful.  Remember that, respect it, live it.

You.Are.Beautiful.

<3

Jessie

LGBT Missionaries

Tonight's post is a link to an amazing talk writen by a dear friend; nay my brother from another mother; Mitch Mayne.

For those who haven't heard of him, Mitch is the first openly gay Mormon to hold a calling.  He has influenced many people and have sometimes saved them from themselves...me included.

He has been a big key in helping me see the love and accept this part of me while maintaining my testimony of the gospel.  He and Nadia were also my main cheerleaders to start this blog!   I'm hoping to one day find the time to do a Q&A with him, but our schedules are so conflicting! Lol

He hit the nail on the head with this one! LGBT Missionaries.  Please read the article and then finish My post!

It is our job to be missionaries as the underdogs... it is up to us to make these changes.

One reader told me that "change begins in the pews." Meaning, if we're not there every Sunday, it won't change.

So, despite the ignorance that sometimes spews from those over the pulpit, raising their hand in Sunday School or Relief Society, go, show up. Be strong.  By just being there, you will eventually drum up the courage to speak out.  It probably won't be to say "I'm gay and what you're saying is very hurtful." I'm not even there yet!

But it could be something little, then a little more...and soon, most everyone, will understand what someone like us is feeling (they still might not agree, but hey, it's a start!)

Line upon line, precept upon precept,  here a little there a little.

Love you with all my heart!

<3

Jessie

An Unexpected Call of Longing

About a month ago, a reader asked me to go more indepth with my struggles.  So, here we go, this one will be very deep and very personal.  I am opening my soul and showing you the scars.

In my blog post Q&A #2, I mentioned about an old co-worker that had said she loved me...and not like a sister.  We were really good friends. We competed for commissions at work, we laughed and joked, and stepped in to defuse a rough situation with an irate person.  I had a knowledge that if she didn't respect me, or I didn't have such a solid marriage; things, WOULD have happened.

Well, five years ago, she up and married an Army man and moved away.  I remember, feeling sad that one of my buddies was gone.  But, I also remember feeling so grateful that she did move away, that my temptation was removed.

Only recently did I finally tell her something she knew all along...that I was bi too.  She laughed and said, "I KNEW it!  Oh, babe, I wished I'd have been there to help you through it!" I laughed too, grateful for another  supporter in my corner.

We see each other on facebook (fb), we text and very rarely call.  Well, last week I was asking her (via fb) if she had heard of the band Halestorm.  I'm a HUGE fan.  It doesn't help that I also have a HUGE crush on the lead singer! lol.  She mentioned she's never heard of them, I told her when I got the chance, I'd send some video links. Tonight, I saw that she was online and missing everyone here, in her hometown.  We started chatting and I remembered to send her over the links I promised.  I started to do that.

I do need to pause and say something important regarding this incident. In the past, she has been drunk while telling she loved me...tonight, she was stone cold sober.

Then my phone rang.  It was her.  We talked and caught up, had a great time.  Then she turned to the more personal subject...us...even though there never really was an "us".  She told me she loved me, and that she always has.  That she would get so excited seeing me come through the door at work, or she'd be mad if I called in.  I had a very real, very deep visceral reaction.  I hadn't felt that in a long time...it took me a minute realize what just happened.

Longing.  I haven't had anyone other than my husband profess those words to me and make me feel this way.  It wasn't, by far to the magnitude that I've felt with my husband (something he still makes me feel).  But it was there, it was real, it was a re-opened scar.  I must admit, it scared me a bit.
I'm having a big what if moment right now.  What if I was the one she ran away with, not him...what would my life had been like?  Would we be happy?  Would we have kids? Would we last?

I sit here tonight pondering those questions.  I'm giving them more thought tonight than I normally do.  This woman was the closest thing to a girlfriend without doing more than a hug or a peck on the cheek.  Hell, I even wrote a song/poem about it. And, from the sounds of it, there will probably be another one coming up soon.

She did mention she was hoping to come visit her folks soon.  I am filled with mixed emotions on this.  I would LOVE to see her, but at the same time, I'm afraid to see her.

So, this was a very raw, very emotion-driven post tonight.  It has been a bit of a relief in itself to write this...getting this off my chest.  I hope, that bearing this deep part of me, you find what you're looking for.

<3

Jessie

I Pick Up Chicks

I've always found that I'm always in the right place at the right time, even though I might not see it until later in the day.

Take today for instance; my plan was to go to "work" (I take care of my husband's grandma daily. She has dementia).  Run to Costco, and then run to the bike shop to pick up my bike that needed a little tweak.

Our exchange student suddenly called and needed something from home before 1 p.m., but I was too far away from home. Luckily hubby was home. So, I pulled over (no talking on cell phones...bleck) and sat for about 15 minutes getting everything taken care of.  Then, at Costco, there was a HUGE line...very weird for a Monday. I then went clear across the other part of town to pick up my bike.  On my way home, I found a couple bucks in my car as my tummy rumbled, I thought I'd grab a burger.  Something said, "Nah, you can wait till you get home." So, I did.

On my way home, I saw a woman stranded, trying in vain to flag someone down to help. I pulled over, she said she needed a jump. I turned my car around, got my bike off the rack, shoved the groceries to the back and dug to get my jumper cables. We hooked it up, she tried starting it and her car started smoking. I offered her a lift, she declined saying her sister is coming. I asked if she wanted me to stay until she came. She said no. So, I went, repacked the car, put my bike back up and continued home.

I was maybe two miles from home, when I saw an older woman, probably in her 60's, walking.  We live a little outside the city limits, so she still had about 2 miles to go to the nearest houses.  I slowed downed and hollered, "You want a ride?" She smiled and yelled "Yes!" and came running over.  We talked on our way, and she's was really thankful because she wore some sandals that aren't good walking and had a ways to go.  I dropped her off, waved goodbye and headed home.  And I came to a realization...

I pick up chicks.  I pick them up when they're in need.  I RARELY stop to help guys...and I think it's mainly a safety reason.  The last time I did, was in a blizzard in the middle of nowhere and the guy was waving people down in the middle of the road...I almost hit him...they hit a patch of ice and got stuck in a bank and couldn't get out.  But, the spirit told me I'd be okay.

But, in the midst of the craziness of things not going right, there was something right. I was able to come to the aid of not one, but two daughters of God.  My hope is that you will find this inspiring and pass it along.  There is so much hate in this cruel world...we need more of just touching someone's life for a second and leave them feeling better.  But please, do NOT do it just because I've said so.  Follow the spirit...there have been times that I knew I shouldn't pull over, even when it was a chick.  Safety is always first!

Charity is the full love of Christ.

<3

Jessie

A Pig's Head And Go Go Dancers

Fun was had by all last night.

My family and went out to nearby place that happens to be a casino.  I've found that some of the local Indian Casinos are fun...they can have good food.

We were really hungry and decided to go to the buffet they had there.  Pretty good one too.  Do to late kiddie napage, it was about 9 p.m. when we ate.

Well, I had been biking that day.  I used to be (and trying to be again) an avid cycler. I'm trying to get back into Marathon shape...anyhoo, on those days, I try to pack a good amount of protein in.

So, after a nice egg, beans and cheese heavy salad, I went in to get a slice of prime rib.  Now, I was a vegetarian before I had my last baby...now, I'm not, but still loved to have veggie meals.  So, I'm a little gun shy sometimes around meat.

As I go up to the carving station, I see this roasted pig, head, hooves, the whole shebang.  To top it off, it was a baby pig, oh, excuse me, a "succulent pig". Before I saw the pig, I had asked for a slice of prime rib...I started to walk away with the carver saying, "Are you sure? It's really good, it's just a pig!"  Yes, but it had a dead face...I couldn't eat it. So, I ate all veggies that night.  It didn't help that my hubby, the carnivore that he is saying, "That'll do pig!" from time to time.

Me and my daughter had finished eating, while the boys were almost finished. It can take a few minutes to get the car from valet, so I went to go get it. As I walked out of the buffet area, my jaw dropped. What stood before my eyes was about 10 go go dancers.  They had hardly anything on. They were in tight leather bikinis, fishnet stockings and high heels or knee highs.  After I gawked for a minute, I ran back in and motioned my husband away from my son. He said "What?!" very grumpily as he was still eating.  I said, "Don't let (our son) look at the casino floor, there are dancer with NOTHING on." He said, "WHAT?!" and started looking behind me. "What do you mean?" he asked.  I was flustered and said rather loudly, "There are really hot chick dancing in just bikinis!" and turned and walked away. Thankfully, there was hardly anyone there.

So, I walked around the dancers thanking that my daughter isn't old enough to understand what she's looking at.  I turn in my ticket and waited. Where I sat, I happened to be able to see a few of the dancers still having a good time.  I have to admit, I was enjoying the show myself.  I even texted a friend who's dear and said, "Dude, you HAVE to come and visit me sometime." with a LOL added.

I didn't notice my hubby and son approach until I heard the words, "Looks like Mommy had more fun looking than Daddy."  Which made me snap out of it and laugh.  Yes, honey, I probably did.

So, last night, had some funny moments, but it also reconfirmed my original stance of "some days are harder than others." this was a hard moment.  Looking at those girls, I thought, "Yeah, that really could be fun."

But in steps my man, my rock, my best friend with humor to defuse what could have been a really awkward moment between us.

So, with a Pig's Head and Go Go Dancer on a family outing, how can my life be boring? LOL!!

Love you all!!  Hope this got a good laugh out of you!!

<3

Jessie

You're Getting Stronger.

Hello! Just when I think everything is falling into place, something else happens!

This week I spent the night in the hospital.  No, I wasn't the patient. I stayed over to help my husband's grandma who has dementia have a familiar face so she didn't freak out!

But, I just want to say you guys are awesome. You're getting stronger, braver. I'm getting more e-mails and comments on my blog. Some are anonymous and some are your actual names! I'm so proud of you all!  It's amazing and wonderful!

You are starting to change YOU to who you are not who people think you should be.  And I just love that!

So, a round of applause!  Yay!

Keep on changing and growing to who you are supposed to be!

<3

Jessie

Silent But Deadly

I have been a little sad lately,  thinking that no one really reads my blog.  That it's just another dot com.

After looking in my inbox and seeing my stats on here...I KNOW this is reaching people.  I KNOW this is helping people.

So thank you, my beautiful readers!  Thank you for the "silent but deadly" view you've just given me.  Thanks for quietly passing this along.  It's starting to gain momentum!

Yay!

Love,

Jessie <3

Happy Easter

Well, as I sat trying to think of something inspiring to say for Easter.  However, I think the cold medicine is taking it's toll as well as my love of studying other religions.  There are so many ties to Pagan spring celebrations...but that's a soap box for another time.

So, all I'll say is this:

Rejoice!  For he has risen!!  He died for our sins so we can return to our Heavenly Parents again someday.

Oh, and as it's always been, he's your brother and he loves you exactly the way you are.  He's your number one fan...though some people would make you believe he's not.

So, I hope everyone had a wonderful day!

<3

Jessie

What If God Was One Of Us?

Yup, another song blog. Sorry, you're going to get these more often than not!

I heard a song today I haven't heard in AGES!  Joan Osborne's What if God was One of Us?

Here's the lyrics, they're quite amazing:

If God had a name what would it be? 
And would you call it to his face? 
If you were faced with him 
In all his glory 
What would you ask if you had just one question? 

And yeah, yeah, God he is great 
Yeah, yeah, God he is good 
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah 

What if God was one of us? 
Just a slob like one of us 
Just a stranger on the bus 
Trying to make his way home 

If God had a face what would it look like? 
And would you wanna to see 
If seeing meant that 
You would have to believe 
In things like heaven and in Jesus and the saints 
And all the prophets 

And yeah, yeah, God he is great 
Yeah, yeah, God he is good 
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah 

What if God was one of us? 
Just a slob like one of us 
Just a stranger on the bus 
Trying to make his way home 

Just trying to make his way home 
Like a holy rolling stone 
Back up to heaven all alone 
Just trying to make his way home 
Nobody calling on the phone 
Except the Pope maybe in Rome.

I have always loved this song because in the LDS Faith, we are taught that we are all Children of God.  Which means, we are, by birthright, Gods and Goddesses of are own accord.  So, if God had a name, if he had a face?  Guess what, that's me, that's you, that's everyone.

So, what if God was one of us?  He IS us!

I hope with this new spin, we might find more love in each other and not so much hate.  Cause hate really sucks.

Love you all!!!!

Jessie

Hold On, Hold On To Yourself, For This Is Going To Hurt Like Hell

I am a song writer, a poet, an all around musician.  So, I can't help but see my life in the lyrics of a song.

I am going through my e-mails, sipping on a coconut herbal tea, and have my iPod on shuffle.

I have in the last few days been thinking about officially coming out to EVERYONE.  But, I'm having doubts.  Mainly with my family.  And it's not that they don't support me, they do.  I'm worried about what they'll be put through over my decision to not just keep this among the few that know.  It's very sad.  I feel more open than I ever have.  If anyone comes up and asks me if I am bi, I tell them, "yes, I am." But that has only happened on rare occasion.  More often than not, I go running back to my closet whenever it is convenient.  It is still a little bit unnerving to think about: I am a very open and honest person...but I'm still not completely open and honest.

I am okay with repercussions of my actions, but am I forcing my family to deal with it too?

I worry about my husband, will this make him think I love him less?  When/if people ask him, what will he say?

My kids, while they're still young, my son is old enough to ask why he sees girls kissing each other or holding hands...this is not his fight.

My mom.  She already gets flack from a few of my cousins about my "life choices".  Namely my tattoo, some odd notion that I've gotten drunk before, and don't think I have good friends that I hang around.  She has enough going on to deal with anymore stress caused by my "actions" no matter how they're looked at.

Another thing, my two sister-in-laws know I am Bi and are awesome about it.  My mother-in-law?  I don't think she knows, she's the kind to confront me on something like that.  But she is anti-gay.  From comments she's made in passing, I don't know how she'll take me being Bi.

I have asked a very small group of friends and family for wisdom.  While it was full of amazing pearls, the main theme was, "When it's the right time, you'll know...and girl, we've got your back!"

So, this song that just came on was "Hold On" by Sarah McLachlan.  I have stated before, she is one of my favorite singers.  She is just brilliant!  Well, the song is about her pleading to God about a male lover who is dying.

Some of the lyrics tonight, took on new meaning for me:

Hold on, hold on to yourself,
for this is going to hurt like hell
Hold on, hold on to yourself
You know that only time will tell
What is it in me that refuses to believe
This isn't easier than the real thing?
Am I in heaven here, or am I in hell?
At the crossroads I am standing

Wow.  Very powerful tonight indeed.  I think I found my answer.  I shall stay at the crossroads a bit longer waiting for the right time for me.  It's not the right time for everyone, we all have our  own times where we find our voice, and we do, we will shine brighter than anything else at that moment. For we are all Sunbeams.

So, for now, I shall remain to y'all as the lovely "Jessie".  I hope one day to have the courage of countless others to say, "Yup, I am, so what, deal with it."

Love to all,

Jessie

Big Day Today!

First of all, so sorry it's been a while! My dear Grandma died and then we had surgeries, sickness and a snowboarding accident.  I sprained my ribs while going down the bunny hill. I was so mortified! Gasping for air, laying there as 3 year olds roll past me. The only saving grace? They over-waxed my board! So, now I don't feel so horrible!

But, I digress!

There are two reasons that today is a big day!

First, the Supreme Court is hearing the California Prop 8 issue. This is a major issue about gay rights in the U.S.  If we win, there will be a wonderful step in the right direction for gays in this country. If we lose, well, we'll keep on fighting!

The other big day part is, I finally put up on my own personal page that I'm for equal rights for gays; both marriage and other wise.

Being LDS, support of these rights are like the tattoo I have on my back  Not against the law, but not really spoken about..

So, that's about it for right now! I will do an update soon!

Until then, my lovelies, stay strong and know you are so loved!

Jessie

Twitter

Hey all.

I'm trying to get my blog more up and out there...I think I am, slowly.  But a friend suggested doing Twitter.  So, I am now on Twitter as @BiandLDS.  Please find me!  I would LOVE to get as many followers as possible!!!

Love,
Jessie <3

The LDS Church's New Website About Gays

So, there has been a buzz about the Mormon and LGBT community about a new a website that the LDS church has launched Mormons and Gays.

While the church hasn't changed their policy that homosexuality is a sin.  They have come around and said (paraphrasing) "It's okay to be gay, just not have sex with another person of the same sex."  

The other VERY important thing is that they are asking for more compassion for the LGBT community.  We are children of God.  We are to love them, not shun them.  Instead of rejecting your child and kicking them out of the house.  Love them.

While the church still has a way to go on things, I fell this is such a HUGE step in the right direction!!

Yay for change!!

<3 Jesse

Wish Me Away, Chely Wright

Have you seen the documentary about country singer Chely Wright coming out as the first openly gay country singer?

Oh my goodness!  I watched it the other day, and it was beautiful and lovely and raw.

I highly recommend it!!!

And I think more people need to support her instead of giving her death threats and saying she's going to hell.

Back off haters.

<3
Jessie

Bi and Gay Musicians

Okay, so I had a total moment today!

I realized that a good chuck of music I listen to, the artist or group is either come out as gay/lesbian, bi, or is rumored to be such.  These musicians are, much to my husband's chagrin, on heavy rotation...not because of the "rumors", it's because I just play them SOOOO much!!!

Some of those include:
Chely Wright (just came out as the first "uncloseted" gay country singer)
Terri Clark (rumored to be lovers with Chely Wright at one point, and my fav country singer, seen her like 7 or 8 times!!)
Missy Higgins (From Australia, not sure if Bi or Lesbian, but lyrics she's written suggest Bi.  Check our "Scar")
Lzzy Hale of Halestorm (in a recent FB Q&A, she said she likes girls too.)
Melissa Etheridge (Was super excited when she officially came out!)
Wynonna (rumored)
An Original Member of Sugarland (rumored, no longer with the group.)
Freddie Mercury of Queen (Bi, and one of the first victims of AIDS)
Sarah McLachlan (has said she would consider dating women, it just hasn't "presented itself" yet. lol, my other fav signer!)


Anyhoo, I thought that was interesting.  I've always liked these people strictly for their music, but it turns out there maybe a subconcious thing too?

What's on your playlist???

<3
Jessie

Everything Happens For A Reason

I saw this today and thought:

     I just hope it's before I die and not after.

<3

Jessie

Matthew Chapter 5:27-28

After two emergency root canals in a month, getting the kids to school, a child teething, two kiddies birthday parties to plan for this week and a slew of family emergencies and drama, I am now sitting quietly on a Sunday night enjoying a tiny bit of "me" time before I have to get up and do it all again!

We have an exchange student who isn't LDS, she is Catholic and back home, they attend weekly.  So, we switched gears and instead of reading the Book of Mormon at night, we're reading the New Testament.  I thought this would be a better choice in getting her to join us nightly for scriptures and prayer.  

We read tonight in Matthew Chapter 5:27-28

Ye have heard said that it was said in old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."

This struck me.  I was pretty sure I knew the definition of lust, but I wanted to make sure.

Marriam-Webster says this:

obsoletea : pleasure, delightb : personal inclination : wish

2

: usu. intense or unbridled sexual desire : lasciviousness

3

a : an intense longing : craving <a lust to succeed>b : enthusiasm, eagerness <admired his lust for life>

So, lust is intense or unbridled sexual desire, a wish, craving or intense longing.  That's pretty specific, yes?  I've always heard the "You can look but don't touch" motto.  I thought I was okay...but according to this, I am committing adultery in my heart.

Do I sometimes wish that I could be with a woman? Yes, it has crossed my mind, as previous posts have stated.  Is there an intense longing?  Sometimes.  Do I crave?  As a human, yes, we all do.  I can't deny that this hasn't happened, it has.

But, am I really dammed for life?  Am I cheating?  No, I don't think so.  I think part of it is just Satan...he knows are "weak spots" and chisels at them...he throws thoughts into our head, saying, "yes, she is lovely, wouldn't you like to meet her?"  And, if I wasn't married, I would probably give these thoughts more entertainment than a lingering, "Yeah, that might be fun..." and then move on and head home to my amazing man.

I hope that the "lusting after" that is spoken of is for someone that instead of working on what they need to to make their marriage work...they are looking for something that isn't there anymore and hoping it's in the next person.  Actively seeking out someone else.  That to me is lust.

Can I judge and say it's not okay to cheat or "lust after"??  No, it's not my call.  I'll love you no matter what.  That's what Jesus did.  When he talked to the woman at the well...she was a hooker, plain and simple...and he still loved her.

Anyhoo, that is my thoughts for the week.  Looking forward to posting more questions and answers!  If I can find more time! lol

<3 Jessie

Mormon In America: The Rock Center Piece

So, this last week, on a major new station here in the US, they did a one hour segment on a program called Rock Center.  The segment was entitled "Mormon in America".

I was really excited to see it, because my friend, Mitch Mayne was going to be on.  He is an openly gay Mormon who holds a calling.  A first in the church.  He is currently not in a relationship and that's what allows him to hold his calling.  He's also an activist in trying to get the church to change some policies on gays in the church.  He went through a length interview process and said a TON of things.

They gave him maybe two minutes...it didn't do ANYTHING really for his cause.  I felt it painted him more as a gay man with a troubled past.  Not someone who is very happy now and is a huge advocate for gays in the church.  He did look pretty sharp though! :)

I will say, I was upset that they did show the pictures of our garments.  That, to me wasn't called for.  They even mentioned that we keep and hold them very sacred.  We don't go around showing them to everyone...please respect that.

Another girl, Joanna Brooks is known for her blog "Ask Mormon Girl" she's also an author.  She is about being an advocate for feminist Mormons.  She's has been getting a lot of flack for her part too.  I think it's funny how many people are giving flack when they really don't know how many of us think these thoughts in private, but are too afraid to speak out.  Here she is with the courage to speak these things we think in the dark, and all you do is criticize her?

You've got to consider, that the media still spins everything to have it look and act a certain way.  When they do that, the real truth is lost.

I thought we had gotten past a lot of these problems.  But, I guess even I know better.  Hell, I'm even skeptical...I have a pen name.

Anyhoo, I would like to here your thoughts!  Please, e-mail me!!!

<3
Jessie