Out of My Mind

Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while again. We've had a whirlwind the last few weeks!

My hubby's grandma that I care for broke her arm and it has caused hallucinations and she keeps trying to remove her cast. I am currently sitting with her in the hospital. They have found a small amount of bleeding on the brain, a UTI and that's she's had several mini strokes. She is refusing to eat any hospital food and they are wanting to put her on hospice because if it. We brought in outside food...lo and behold she's eating it! I don't blame her one bit for not eating hospital food.

Yesterday, we laid to rest hubby's other grandma. It's a a beautiful service, but a first for me in the way that I didn't cry. But how do you mourn over someone that didn't treat you well and couldn't stand the stress of little kids? So, basically we only saw her on holidays for a brief hour or two.  She was a very talented musician and always remembered my birthday...so, I guess she liked me in some level.

We had to take a trip to San Francisco for a geneticist appointment. They're 99.9% sure hubby has this rare genetic chromosonal mutation and they think our little girl might too as she is showing signs of it. They did blood work on hubby, we'll know for sure in "4-6 weeks". And then if he has it, we get little one tested too. If she does have it, there won't, thankfully, be much in a change of her life, we just need to be extremely proactive about checking her thyroid, stomach and breats. She would have a high risk of thyroid and breast cancer along with intestinal polyps.

On top of it, I had what is called Lupron shot to help me fight off my endometriosis. Basically, it throws me into temporary menopause. Which means hot flashes and mood swings.  The hotflashes are under control, thank goodness...but these mood swings are something else. Things that would normally bug me or irritate me are making me extremely angry. I go from zero to bitch in two milliseconds.  My hubby and son were getting the brunt of it all...so, I finally went to the doctor and they put me on a small dose of happy pills. They haven't full kicked in, but I'm not getting angry like I was. I feel more like myself.

So, this is me slowly losing my mind. Any prayers would be greatly appreciated!

<3

Jessie

Happy 4th of July!

Hello all!

Hoping this find you all well today in celebration of our nation's birth.

There is much cause for celebration because of the ruling of the supreme court, giving gays the right to marry.

But also, remember, we are still fighting for freedoms still today. If we are not careful, not vigilant, we can very quickly lose our freedoms.

Independence is a constant battle.  Keep fighting, if not for you,  than for our children!

<3

Jessie

Bi and Gay Musicians Part 2

Alrighty, since my first Bi and Gay Musicians post is by far the most popular on my blog, I went through my iPod and computer more thourghly, as I have over 3,000 songs in there and about 5,000 on my computer.

This list is not all inclusive, there are many more, these are more artists that are on my iPod! I found this list at Topgaysongs.com which is a fabulous website in general and gave a few good giggles!

Adele-I was surprised by this one, i thought she was straight and she just recently had a little boy. While she has a great voice, people are just playing her too much...so, I do have Rolling On the Deep, but I don't have that on my most played list.

David Bowie-from Labyrinth to "Rebel, Rebel" I just love him! "Golden Years" is my favorite song! He is married to a woman, but they have both admitted to being Bi.

Tracy Chapman-"Revolution", "Fast Car" and "Give Me One Reason To Stay Here" are on heavy rotation.

Vanessa Carlton-I'm a HUGE Joni Mitchell fan, not so much Vanessa, but when I heard her singing "Big Yellow Taxi" with Counting Crows,  I had to get it!

Elton John-brilliant man! If I need to say anything about him, get out of your closet a bit more! Lol. "Candele in The Wind", "Benny and the Jets", "Rocket Man" and "Tiny Dancer" are all on rotation!

Lady Gaga-yes, I have a few Lady Gaga songs...and "Born This Way" is my favorite, my mom even likes this song! If you've seen any of her videos, you won't be surprised that she is bi.

Sophie B. Hawkins- more of a one hit wonder...but I have "As I Lay Me Down to Sleep" love it!

Joan Jett-who is surprised by this?! I sure am not! My friend and I love her, one day she ran into her in a tiny Nevada city called Wendover (Utah-Nevada border.) Sent me a picture with Joan Jett with the caption "Ran into Joan Jett! She totally tried to hit on me!" Lol! And I must say, I do a good version of "I Hate Myself for Loving You." That I did with a former band I was in!

Janis Joplin- this one surprised me. All of her songs indicate a man...but, it was the 60's and being gay was still pretty taboo.  Bobby Magee and Piece of My Heart are my favs!

Mika-Never was surprised by this. I have his first album, love it...he tries so hard to be Freddie Mercury...even has lyrics that say "I tried to look like Grace Kelly,  but all of her looks are too sad. So I tried a little Freddie. I've gone identity mad." And another song called "Big Girl, You are Beautiful" (which I love) reminds me of "Fat Botton Girls".

Sinéad O'Connor-"Nothing Compares To You" one hit wonder turned activist.

Dusty Springfield-makes you think a little bit different in "Son of a Preacher Man" lol. Sadly, she died in 1999 from breast cancer.

Tila Tequila-I have one song of hers from the "Across The Universe" soundtrack where she sings the Beatles "I Wanna Hold Your Hand". Where she plays a lesbian trying to figure out who she is and trying to come out and she does in the film during the song "Dear Prudence". I guess she also had a MTV reality show about her falling in love...eh.

Do you have any of these guys on your playlist? Let's hear it!

<3
Jessie

Organ Donation, DOMA!

Sorry guys!  We have had a busy month!

I've been dealing with (still) female problems, hopefully they'll be fixed soon, other family health problems, vacations and our exchange student leaving. We're going to miss her greatly. She was a GREAT kid and she will always be apart of our family!!

Hopefully, I'll start writing again more!!!  I'm finding this summer is stacking up to be a busy one, we're going to be gone a bunch for medical appointments (the one thing that sucks about living in a smaller city...having to travel 4 hours one way to get the medical help you need!)

AND my brother just got told that "within 12 hours or 3 months from now, you'll be getting you kidney." And I'm just so giddy!!  He's been on dialysis for over 10 years now!!!  I just wish they had a better time frame, like "be here at 5 am on July 17th"...but obviously we don't know when someone will die and keep giving back after they die with the use of their organs.

My mom used to be against organ donation and was a little upset when I chose to be one on my drivers license at 16.  It changed when my brother needed a kidney.  She was under the unwritten LDS "law" that says everything needs to be in one place for things to be whole in the resurrection.  My grandpa was always very adamant about it...I remember thinking "But what about soldiers or victims that lose an arm or a leg, if their not buried with it, they won't be whole?" My family has always been big on no cremation.  Before my dad died, he said he wanted to be cremated (something that I would like...I don't want to rot in a box).  So, we did...my grandpa threw a fit.

I'm grateful to those that are organ donors, that will be or already have.  There is still something beautiful that comes out of a horrific event such as a loss of life. But I'm grateful that some time soon, someone will be giving my brother a better chance and living longer...all because they put "Organ Donor" on their ID card.

And let's hear it for the Supreme Court! WOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!  Yay!!  Thanks for seeing that marriage belongs to all!!

Take care!!

<3
Jessie

Christian Based Businesses, The True Love of Christ

I heard in the news a few months ago about a Christian bases bakery back east that had no problem selling cookies and pasteries to anyone...however, when a lesbian couple who loved the bakery and wanted him to make a cake for their up and coming wedding, he refused saying it's against his beliefs.  I believe there is a current lawsuit out against him.

I'm hearing more and more stories like this.  Are we really going backwards now where we'll need a separate water fountains for gays? What about bisexuals? Do I get to use both?  Transgender? *smacks forehead*.

Today, on the radio I heard (and have heard before) of a proud computer store in town that is proud to be and has always been a "Christian based company".

I'm REALLY wanting to test just how "Christian" they really are.  I have a friends that would, I'm sure be willing to go into the store holding my hand, pretending we're a couple and seeing the reaction of it.

The reason I'm bringing this up is, I'm sick of people claiming to beleive in Jesus and being total hypocripts about what Jesus taught.

"Judge not, lest ye be judged." I could go one for hours about the wuotes of loving one another.

When every one called the lepers "unclean" or called the prostitutes "whores"...what did Jesus do? He hung out with them, he blessed them. He didn't care what they were doing or how they got there. He didn't care about being "associated" with them.

But, for some reason people think that by associating or helping gays that they are infact going against the teachings of God...

NO!  That couldn't be farther from the truth...if that were true, if we were supposed to shun everyone we thought were sinners....we'd end up shunning everyone, including ourselves.

We are here to help one another as brothers and sisters to get back to our Heavenly Father and Mother. We are here to help bring each other celestial glory.

How can you do that by shunning someone because they're gay? It my opinion, you can't!

Take care...of EVERYONE!!

<3

Jessie

We Will Marry Your Girlfriends/Boyfriends

Hello!  I thought I had posted these, but I guess I didn't.  I watched these a while ago and just was laughing so hard!  There are a few swear words and a few sexual references...but hey, this is a blog about dealing with sexuality, so if you're this far into my blog, you should be used to it by now! lol  Enjoy!

It's A Beautiful Day In The Cold Cruel World

I can't find the song or the lyrics ANYWHERE! Gah!

Well, it's by The Warren Brothers...a country band out of the 90's...they had a couple big hits.

This song always got to me.

"While somebody's hurting, somebody's laughing, somebody's living and somebody's dying."

So true today.

I picked up my brother from the airport who had to fly in to see some people about a kidney transplant...he was told within the next 3 months! YAY!  Happy, happy!

While spending time with him, I get a text from my dear friend a few hours away saying her mother-in-law is clinging to life and to please pray she'll go quickly. They are keeping her comfy and that's it...she has maybe a day.  She has dementia among other problems.

So, while we're having a good time, receiving EXCELLENT news, somebody is losing someone important.

We had to deal with a great loss two years ago almost to the day. Myself and two other friends were preggers and all due near each other. We don't live close...one is back east, the other is about 4 hours away. One was due in June, with a boy, the other woman and I were having September babies, both girls!  We were all excited, texting each other our joys and our pains, our cravings and our weird dreams.  It was truly beautiful.

I got a call at 6 a.m. from a friend that lives close to the 4 hour away friend...the baby was still breached, and his shoulders got stuck.  She was having a home birth and they lived about 45 minutes from the hospital.  He didn't make it.  I remember sobbing, big and round while my husband cradled me. When I composed myself, I called my friend back east and we talked and cried together.  We both felt guilty that here we sit, happy and baby kicking, and she had lost her little love.

Our little girls were born happy and healthy despite mine having a few days in the NICU which scared me near death.

So, as I sit tonight pondering life and death...the world moves on, it doesn't stop...somebody's living and somebody's dying.

<3

Jessie