When I Knew

First of all, to make one thing clear.  I've had people say, "You can't be Bi, you're married!" Yes, I can.  Being married just makes me monogamous.

When did I know I was attracted to women as well as men?  The realization probably hit around high school.  I've never been glamorous and am a big tom boy.  Yes, I wore make-up, but I was the total band geek, awkward girl that hadn't found her place.  I had been called lesbian and other names.  At one point I thought, "You know, if you think I am, then, fine, I am!" I was too shy and afraid to go actively seeking a woman, so I waited, and nothing happened.  Being raised LDS and being told it is a sin, I buried those thoughts and feelings down deep.  I kept my "dirty little secret" to myself.

Was it a struggle?  Yes.  Because for some reason people who are against LGBT community think we "choose" to be the way we are.  To quote a cousin of mine that is gay, "Do people honestly think we'd choose to have this heartache, this horrible hatred toward us?! Not a chance.  This is NOT a choice."

I have always loved powerful women and looked up to them.  Strong women in music and movies have been very inspiring.  I just LOVE chick fight scenes in movies.  Angelina Jolie is still one of my favorite actresses since Tomb Raider.

A few years later, I am dating my now husband.  I feel I completely lucked out that my soul mate happened to have male parts.  If he didn't, this blog and my life would be completely different.  I knew we were getting married, that he was the one for me.  I felt I needed to tell him that yes, I like girls too, but I love you.

With all his heart, he still accepted me and loves me for who I am.  He teases me about my guy and girl crushes and I tease him about his girl crushes, which is weird sometimes as we do find the same movie stars attractive.

Much love,

Jessie <3