Wednesday, February 19, 2014
My daughter has been sick again and I ended up in the ER twice in 8 days for a flu bug and an allergic reaction!
And now I'm having to have surgery in the next week or so...it's a good surgery though.. much needed and will get me back on track health wise.
So, bare with me! I have tons of emails and posts I need to write but I just have had to focus more on my health and my family's health.
I love you all so much!
Take care and we'll see ya soon!
Friday, January 24, 2014
Hi everyone! I'm sorry it been over a month!
We've been really sick again and I had a family emergency right during Christmas that required me to make a flying trip out of town right after Christmas to take care of things.
I'm currently getting over what seems like another round of flu...
I have so many emails backed up! I'm sorry everyone! I'm not forgetting you, I'm just barely treading water right now!
Lots of love! And a great new year!
Thursday, December 19, 2013
I'm seeing all this stuff lately about so much hate, and it saddens me greatly. People are getting really judgy over some people's personal choices...even though it has no effect in their personal lives.
I recently had some new ink done on myself. I went from one tattoo to three. They all have wonderful meanings and are very symbolic of things that are very important to me. While tattoos are not encouraged, they are not against our Mormon laws. I've seen many older men in the temple with tattoos on their hands...usually do to being in the military. If they're allowed in, why can't I? There is no reason that I cannot be allowed my temple blessings. My body is a temple, mine just has some stained glass windows. :-)
Well, of course I'm getting some flack for all of this...even from family...but I have one family member in particular (who I rarely see and rarely talk to.) She likes to look at all my facebook stuff I post and then talk shit about me to other family members behind my back. They've even warned my mom that I'm not following the path that I should, that they're worried about me.
She decided to passively aggressively post an article on her facebook knowing good and well I'd read it. It was about Tattoos and Mormons...she put something along the lines of "Well said! Exactly what I think many people are forgetting anymore. We just have to follow the words of our prophets."
Words of our prophets indeed. So, I was chatting with my sister about this and she told me to re-read this General Conference talk by President Uctdorf The Merciful Obtain Mercy.
Here's a beautiful excerpt from the talk.
The Bottom LineI love you all so much. I relish in your strength and individuality. You are all so beautiful inside and out!!
God loves you, and I love you!!
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving, we sure did!
Not every post is about being bisexual, this one isn't either.
I'm lying here in bed still sick but finally getting better.
We knew it was going to just be our small family for Thanksgiving. My family is spread all over and my husband's family decided to travel this year. We couldn't because his holiday work schedule is always bad. We never see him, but the overtime makes for a good Christmas.
Anyhoo, we invited a semi active family from our ward that my husband has become close with. I know them a little. So, they came over and me and his wife were cooking and talking. She told us her conversion story. It was beautiful.
You can tell she does have a testimony, but (there's always a but) she doesn't feel very comfortable sometimes in our ward. She knows it's a good and friendly ward, but seems a tad superficial. I told her yes, it can be and that's a main reason why most of my friends aren't Mormon, because, sadly, the church is perfect, the people in it arent.
We talked more and even showed each other our tattoos and laughed and laughed.
After a good dinner, we were sleepily chatting and she said, "you know, church seems easier now that I know there are people like me in the church. It gives me hope."
I laughed and said, "Good. And there are way more misfits than you'd think in the church. We're different, we have different personalities and different perspective, but that doesn't mean we can't come and also worship God."
So, unexpected turn of events for Thanksgiving, but a good one! I'm proud to be "on the fringes" or not one of the cookie cutter Mormons...I can be myself and still show people my love and devotion to God...and I do that by loving my fellow man.
Love everyone, you never know what lesson they'll learn from you.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
After this month of being so sick, I just have one thing to say. Be thankful.
Be thankful for what you have, and what trials you are going through. You never know what is going on at your neighbor's house...What may be greener grass may actually be astroturf. If you're really sick we've been, it's easy to curse the sky and be sick and tired of being sick and tired. But you know? I don't have something serious to deal with, like cancer or a broken body.
Be thankful for a roof over your head...whether it's a nice shingled roof, or a tin one needing repairs...at least you have shade, at least you can stay dry. Be thankful for your food that you have. Be thankful you have a job.
Be thankful that even though there is STILL a bunch of people who hate gays and don't want the marriage of gays allowed, be thankful that there are some states where we can get married...no matter what!!
It is time to stop complaining about what we don't have and start being thankful for what we do have!
Much love and peace during this time of Thanks!
Friday, November 22, 2013
Saturday, November 2, 2013
This is an e-mail from "N". There won't be much advice on this one, because this is a unique situation, one I am not going through. With her permission, she said I could post her story. We are doing this in the hopes of reaching out to more people who may be in this situation as well. As with the purpose of this blog, this post is to show that WE are not alone in ANY situation!
This post is a condensed version of several e-mails:
I've recently stumbled across your blog as I was trying to find a way to not have this guilt That I do from what we learn and have been taught in being LDS. Thank you.
I'm not really looking for advice, but someone I can talk to who is Bi and LDS.
I've been married for 15 years, sealed have 4 children and recently came out to my husband. It's been a roller coaster of a ride.
We talked about how I know I should have before we married told him but I was ashamed and just found it easier to hide it. I've pretty much have hidden who I really am my entire life. All life choices have been to make others happy. And by keeping it bottled up, I've exploded. I knew I was bi in college and was called out by my dad all because of a picture I had done with my best friend (and crush) at that time. I didn't think twice about it, and even my mom never would have guessed I was bi because of this picture. But somehow he called me on it. I made a point to prove everyone he told wrong. I even got pregnant and at that time was like, see, not gay dad.
I still want to believe I'm a good Christlike person. However I have found myself drinking again, not sure if it's to relax or because I stopped drinking originally for everyone else and not myself.
While I wish I've been as strong as you in maintaining a monogamous relationship, I have fallen in love with a women. And because of her, this is why I came out to my husband.
I never meant to love her. I couldn't stop myself and I've tried many times to stop.
I love my husband and all the reasons why I fell in love with him is still there. I don't want to leave him. And luckily he doesn't want to leave me. It's been a scary few months.
I've even had sex with her. And enjoy it.
My husband has come to the conclusion that he doesn't want to lose me. And if that means sharing me he does that. I feel so selfish. And I can't stop. Sometimes I wish he'd say stop or else. But then that push might actually cause us to divorce.
I am hoping that I'm doing this because I've bottled myself up and that one day I'll be back to who I was. Living a Better life, monogamous. I just don't know how to get there. Especially because how much I love her. Yes right now I don't want to leave my husband. Maybe it's because of our young kids (youngest is 3). Maybe I will leave if she's still around in 5-10 years down the road. Or maybe someone else will come into the picture. What I do know is that my husband and mine's relationship has become stronger because of it all. Because of me dating a women, and us overcoming that, we are learning to communicate more. We have a stronger marriage. In my husbands opinion, if we can overcome this we can overcome a lot more and I agree.
Because of me having sex with her and I do continue seeing her, A weekend every couple weeks or month, I'm questioning whether or not I belong in the church. I don't want to stop because I love my calling (nursery) and I know I believe in the gospel. But I'm doing nothing but sinning. I am still wearing my garments. I can't bring myself to not wearing them. Of course though when I go out to drink or am with her, I don't. I feel so at a loss.
Dear "N", Thank you for your e-mail! I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I wish I could hug you and tell you everything will be okay.
I'm sorry that your Dad tried to "out" you, that is not how a family should be. You obviously weren't ready to admit it and him acting that way to you sure didn't help.
I do want to comment on the drinking, I have had drinks before and completely understand that it is a way to deal with stressful situations. Doctor's have said a glass of wine a day is actually good for you. But this is where the Word Of Wisdom (WOW) is on a case by case basis...and this is going to be a soap box for me. Everything in the WOW is said "Not to be used except for medicinal purposes." I drink herbal teas, I think they are MUCH healthier than kool-aid, which seems to be a staple in LDS homes. I do on occasion drink coffee, it is NASTY...but I get migraines and asthma, and when my normal meds don't work, I go to the coffee before the E.R. it's amazing how a $3 cup of joe can fix a problem that would cost me $1,000 at the E.R. I also get upset when people give me crap over drinking coke (yes, I LOVE coke!) when they have a giant piece of meat every night. People pick and choose what they want to get out of the WOW, they are just looking for a reason to be uptight with you.
As for the garments, I have seen and heard personal experiences from family that even if you are NOT living what the church deems a "worthy life", the garments will still help you and protect you. That being said, if you do not feel comfortable wearing them, don't. But that is between you and God to decide. There are times I don't feel comfortable wearing them, like when I cycle, so I don't.
You said you were in nursery, and you love it there, you don't want to leave the church because of it. To me, that says you have a testimony, but it's a bit shaky right now. I'm afraid if you leave nursery and go into Relief Society, you will not go to church. They don't know what's going on in your life and they can and will say things (on purpose or not) that will hurt you and embarrass you. You don't need that right now.
Instead, take in what you do in nursery, the joy and innocence of God's little children. What do you teach those little ones? Basically, that God loves YOU and Jesus wants us all to be Sunbeams. He LOVES YOU despite what is going on in your life. He LOVES YOU despite how you feel about yourself. No matter WHAT you have done that is deemed "wrong" in your life, HE STILL LOVES YOU!! Remember, it is in the darkness that we can see the light better and help guide us back to the path we are meant to be on. It is in those cracks and imperfections that the light gets in and we can see within our souls the sunbeams that we have learned about.
Many hugs and prayers to you that you may find the path that is right for YOU and makes You happiest.